The Importance of Queer Kink Visibility
When someone says “queer kink” to you, what images jump into your head? And be honest about it.
Kink is misunderstood in straight circles, so you can only imagine the crude misconceptions about queer kinky people. I won’t perpetuate those here and trigger readers. Because I want to champion the beautiful role kink plays in queer intimacy and how it can be a gateway to understanding identity beyond the binary and realms of skin and heart.
Queer kink needs to burst out of the shadows and normalise the possibilities for deeper self-expression, body positivity, and personal growth.
Breaking Free from Straight Norms
The terms “safe space” and “LGBTQ+ inclusive” are tacked on to many kink events. While these apply to conduct and door policy, the crowd there is a high risk of the event being “straight-led,” in my experience.
The acts and performers are either extreme versions of what straight people think is queer, loud outfits, women kissing each other, but still include expressions of straight kink norms, generic kink attire, binary roles, and movements that focus on the penetration of some sort.
At one very prominent play event in London, where millennials had drunk Etsy dry of raunchy, festival-esque outfits, the acts were queer-ish and body-positive. But the clientele were not. The playroom was awash with trad-copulation and awkward threesomes, and I noticed a large number of straight presenting couples blatantly (desperately) looking for that elusive unicorn by the end of the night (after all, they’d paid £50 for the ticket). This wasn’t a night for queer kink expression. It was a thrill fest.
The event curators and ticket holders should have remembered one important thing.
Queer transcends traditional gender, sexual, and body expression of any kind. The way we experience sexual attraction and arousal is not related to any societal norms.
Gender expression is neither conformity nor kink. It’s a journey through our multifaceted existence.
Body positivity is not just a stage act. It’s an integral cog in our intimacy.
Queer people connect in fluidity. We THRIVE in it. This is not the same as inclusivity, though we need an inclusive mindset to navigate this world.
Queer folks who are actively engaging in kink have taken the first big step into erotic flux.
How Queer Kink is Different
There have been arguments that kink is more akin to non-traditional sex and, therefore, should be added to the LGBTQ+ acronym. But it’s crucial to recognize that not all kink is inherently queer, and not all queer people engage in kink. While kink certainly goes against heteronormative expectations, the scene is still heavily loaded with performative straight roles. (You only have to log in to FetLife and hit the Explore tab to see.)
For queer folk, kink offers the opportunity to operate completely free from gender roles and sexual scripts safely. As pointed out by Slash Queer in their article, “BDSM and kink culture is a space within which queer individuals get to decide the roles they play, the positions they assume, and how best those roles and positions can communicate the nuanced and complex aspects of their specific sexual and gendered identities”.
This perspective suggests that queer kink can be an integral part of queer identity and expression, distinct from straight expressions of kink.
Furthermore, for some queer individuals, engaging in kink can be a way to reclaim agency over their bodies and sexualities, particularly in the face of societal stigma and shame.
Participants in pet play, for example, have reported improved body image and self-esteem through their involvement in the community. The act of embodying a different persona can provide a temporary respite from body image concerns, allowing individuals to experience their bodies in new and affirming ways.
Queer kink communities often emphasize body positivity and self-acceptance in ways that mainstream society fails to do. By celebrating diverse body types and forms of expression, these spaces can help individuals develop a more positive relationship with their bodies.
This is not merely resistance against societal norms; it’s clear self-liberation.
The Need for Visibility
While kink exists in both queer and straight communities, it is clear that queer kink often carries additional layers of meaning and significance.
Queer kink also tends to be more inclusive and diverse, welcoming a wide range of gender identities, sexual orientations, and relationship structures. This inclusivity can create a more supportive and understanding environment for exploration and self-discovery.
The kinky queer movement has momentum in the Brighton area, with a weekly Queer Munch and my personal favourite, almost undefinable, wet cabaret Mystery Fluids. Brighton also hosted its first Fetish Week, putting a kinky spin on the usual Kemptown bar and club repertoire. And it would be a SIN to forget the highlight in the femme calendar, Lilith’s Lair. (I have probably forgotten other kinky queer-led events…please comment below.)
These events prove that increasing the visibility of queer kink is crucial for several reasons:
1. Reducing stigma and misconceptions
2. Providing role models and community for those exploring their sexuality
3. Challenging heteronormative assumptions about relationships and pleasure
4. Promoting open communication and consent culture
By bringing queer kink into the light, we can foster more honest conversations about sexuality and relationships, benefiting not just the LGBTQ+ community but society as a whole.
Join the Movement: The Kink Before Xmas
When I say “queer-led” in my newest event, I mean everything above and beyond. I wanted to bring a new strand to queer, kinky joy in our community: storytelling.
By sharing our experiences, fantasies, and desires, we ramp up the normalisation and significance of queer kink. Whether you’re an exhibitionist and want to hop on the mic with a story, poem, song, or a voyeur, wanting to lose yourself in liberated expression, there is a place for you at Kink Before Xmas.
Grab your tickets here.
References
[1] https://slashqueer.com/kink-and-queerness-resistance-through-sex
[2] https://www.starobserver.com.au/news/national-news/puppy-play-mental-health/156484
[3] https://www.autostraddle.com/kink-is-not-queer-374216/
[4] https://keeganmwilliams.com/pup-play/
[5] https://woub.org/2018/04/03/lgbtq-k-kinks-place-alphabet-soup-queerness/
[6] https://theconversation.com/pup-play-kink-communities-can-help-people-build-connections-and-improve-their-body-image-216141
[7] https://www.vox.com/the-goods/22463879/kink-at-pride-discourse-lgbtq
[8] https://thesheaf.com/2018/02/16/kink-aint-queer-adding-k-misuses-acronym/
